Things that I’ve learnt as a mum: #1 – NEVER ask your kids what they want for breakfast!

If you’re here and still have an inkling of sanity left from the daily battle I call #mumlife and need some shit to relate to, then look no further. I have been a mum now for four years and I have managed to keep the children alive and fed, I call that a success. To be honest my children aren’t ‘naughty’ children, they’re just your average pain in the arse four and two year old. So before I tell you why you shouldn’t ask your kids what they want for breakfast, here’s the run up to the showdown. 6:30ish: I am be woken up by the four year old staring into my soul. (How long has she been standing there just staring at me?!) 6:31ish: I am re-woken up by the two year old repeatedly yelling “MUMMY GET MY MILK” – she obviously hasn’t learnt class or the art of manners yet! Fast forward to me trying my luck and bagging an extra half an hour in bed by putting ‘Paw Patrol’ on. Once I’ve exhausted all my luck I reluctantly drag myself out of bed and get the girls’ breakfast ready. 

By asking a young child what they would like for breakfast, you’re setting yourself up for an absolute shitstorm of ridiculous requests and then a two hour long tantrum when you refuse to give them chocolate spread on chocolate for breakfast. This then results in a toddler refusing to eat the “soggy” cereal that wasn’t soggy when you gave it to them two whole hours ago! This then results in the rest of your day being completely out of sync. 

Don’t even get me started on when they actually choose something reasonable, with my husband’s smug input ringing in my ears: “I don’t even know why you’re giving them a choice”. ‘Yeah alright babe I’m in too fucking deep now so mind your damn business’ is what I internally tell him; externally it’s all smiles and nods as I know exactly what’s about to happen… THEY DON’T FUCKING EAT IT. Ohh the smugness I witness from my husband from across the table as he internally tells me ‘I told you so!’. Externally, he is the ever so supportive husband with smiles and nods but he just can’t resist telling the kids: “eat your breakfast, next time you won’t get a choice”. Ouch! Had to get that in didn’t he?

Also, you know that one time when you were as sick as a dog and let the children have their breakfast in front of the TV as a one-off? They will NEVER let you forget it. They forget literally everything else – “What did you do with nanny today?” Could not tell you. ”What did you do at preschool today?” COULD NOT TELL YOU. But heaven forbid you allowed them to eat breakfast seven months ago in front of the TV and you’re paying for it for the rest of your days. To be honest, most days I give in. 

If they like something, they’ll ask for it for it every single day without fail and nothing else will do.

They’ll want it for breakfast and then lunch and then dinner. I cannot count the amount of times I have explained to the children that they cannot eat crumpets with butter and jam for lunch and dinner too. Doesn’t stop the bloody moaning and tantrums!

So basically NEVER ask your kids what they want for breakfast. Weetabix will do!

I do hope you have enjoyed reading my first blog. Be sure to join me for my next exciting read about the wonderful life that is #mumlife! For now I’ll leave you with some more ridiculous breakfast requests I’ve had to endure:


>Cake on toast



>Ketchup on toast